The strange and raucously entertaining world of online dating.
Stories Susan Winston, MFT
Meeting that special someone is no longer an organic process. Rarely do you find your person through a party or a chance meeting in a bar or grocery store. Thanks to technology and overzealous web developers, we’ve streamlined dating to pre-process and check off all our wants and needs to ensure we find the mate who really fits the bill—or who can at least foot the bill at the end of dinner. This has led to some bizarre, niche dating websites.
For example, the website purrsonals.com is where you can “meet others in the world who understand the unique ‘purrsonality’ that cats possess and why we share the love of cats.” So yeah, there’s that.
Sure, this month may be one where love is thrust upon us with the brute force of consumerism, but that may make you feel more self-assured, especially when you realize how many options you have.
The Food Sets the Mood
Refrigerdating.com is “a service that helps you find love based on the contents of your fridge.” Based on the items you have, Refrigerdating will “hook you up with a variation of fridges of different tastes.” That’s one way to avoid sending embarrassing “sexy” pics—unless organized food containers do it for you.
Hotsaucepassions.com is “a social network for people who think food is bland if it’s not spicy enough to make their forehead sweat.” The site poses the question: “Why risk hearing ‘I don’t like spicy food’ on a first date, when you know that would be a deal breaker?”
Glutenfreesingles.com describes itself as “a welcoming place where people can find gluten-free dating partners, friends, and activity groups.” If you don’t meet your true anti-glute on this site, at least you’ll find some great recipes.
Singleswithfoodallergies.com offers folks prone to breaking out in hives on a restaurant date a chance to avoid the ER. As the site’s founder explains, “I wondered how I’d find a guy who would be comfortable in my dairy-free, shellfish-free, and nut-free household… I knew similar men and women were searching, too.”
My420mate.com is a dating site and app for the cannabis advocate who doesn’t want to be shamed for partaking. Meet your cannabis-friendly single here. Or be too stoned to care who you meet.
Someone for Everyone
Feeld.co is for “Polysexual, Pansexual, Bisexual + 20 more” alternative sexual preferences. A prize will be given to whoever can name the other 20.
Furrymates.com is for those who love pretending to be anthropomorphic animals. If you are particularly hirsute, you might qualify.
Zombiepassions.com is a website “for zombies, zombie lovers, and people who have been working in a dead-end job for too long.” So what if their cover page shows a face dripping in blood?
If zombies don’t turn you on, maybe vampires will. Vampirepassions.com lets you “find members based on whether they are into sanguine vampirism or psychic vampirism. Meet other vampires, vampire lovers, and even amateur vampire hunters.”
For the macabre-curious, consider Dead Meet Dating (thechickandthedead.com/dead-meet-dating), intended for those who work in the death industry—grave diggers, morticians, funeral directors, and autopsy experts.
Diapermates.com is for—you guessed it—adults who wear diapers, not out of need but out of desire.
People who have a thing for clowns have the privilege of choosing from two dating sites: clowndating.com and clownpassions.com. If you’re into it, now you can just don a red nose and goofy outfit and call it a night.
Seacaptaindate.com claims to be the number one dating site for masters and commanders. Climb aboard? Man the helm? This is for a finite group of Captain Stubing types.
Stachepassions.com, much like Magnum P.I., is all about the moustache. If you love women who sport the hairy lip—that’s another site.
In a similar vein, the sitemulletpassions.com exists. You thought mullets went out of style? Not according to this group.
Amishcrush.com is a site for the Amish. But how do they use it?
Twinsrealm.com is where twins meet other twins. So, if you don’t like your partner, switch.
Marrymealready.com Ready to live your real-life Bachelor or Bachelorette experience? This site is made for “those looking for serious love.”
Womenbehindbars.com is dedicated to love for those ladies who are incarcerated. It’s a real thing.
So, there you have it. From cats to clowns to cannabis, there’s love to be found for everyone under the sun. At this point, it couldn’t be any worse than Tinder.